Sunday 21 August 1664
Worth quoting his diary in detail
(Lord’s day). Waked about 4 o’clock with my wife, having a looseness, and peoples coming in the yard to the pump to draw water several times, so that fear of this day’s fire made me fearful, and called Besse and sent her down to see, and it was Griffin’s maid for water to wash her house. So to sleep again, and then lay talking till 9 o’clock. So up and drunk three bottles of Epsum water, which wrought well with me.
Yesterday was the day of the eclipse in the USA and people speaking about the experience of darkness which they likened to a religious high. The one eclipse I have witnessed was very much like night-time in north Finland in Midsummer. Everything is grey, not completely dark but eerily devoid of light, weak, no power “it shouldn’t be like this”. I think the word is ‘wan’, as in ‘the wan dawn light’. In human beings, the term is used to give the impression of illness or exhaustion. the word ‘pale’ doesn’t quite do it. You can be pale with shock but not wan with shock.
For me yesterday was for the most part unproductive. I tried to finish my speech which is due in a couple weeks time but nothing went. I just stared at the papers. I have prepared two versions which I printed out and showed it to my wife. I decided that since nothing was coming I might as well give up so we at some time hanging out and watching TV. I recently invested in Internet radio which means you can get thousands of channels from programs throughout the world should you have the time to do so. It is a bit hit and miss because sometimes radio stations are broadcasting and sometimes not but if you want to hear rock ‘n’ roll from some obscure city in Ohio, or South Africa then you can do so.
Off to the garage to check the progress of my Volvo repair. The car would only fetch about £500 so I don’t want to spend a fortune on it. On the other hand it is a good and solid bit of kit before they started making Volvos in China as they are doing with everything these days so the investment is worth it.
Fear is contagious. The recent fire has obviously spooked everybody. We’ve have this ridiculous spate of events in the world of people in vans driving on the pavement and running down pedestrians. I saw the driver chap in Barcelona, Spain that was killed by the police because he showed them what could have been an explosive jacket. he looks like a kid, 22 years of age I believe. I don’t know whether these people are hypnotised or what.
Fear has been used to control people for ages, the threat of withdrawal of life or freedom or food will get people to do virtually anything. I like these quotes on fear
I forget where I saw this: Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” “The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear” Nothing in life is to be feared.
I can remember times when I had needlessly been afraid of doing something and once I actually did it, the person or situation concerned is often quite glad to have my input. It was all in my own mind. I must admit I’m a person who doesn’t like confrontation and even finds it difficult to read official letters. When I receive an e-mail I know the tone of its content even before I click on it to open it. My stomach flutters in an unpleasant way. I do not enjoy that experience but I suppose it’s part of being sensitive or a sensitive should I say.
This is a rough-and-tumble world with more than a tinge of aggression which I suppose is part of the fight for survival. This is partly due to lack of spiritual security in other words you think that you are a mortal body with an (eternal) spirit attached rather than a spirit with a body attached. The latter will bring a security that the former cannot. Sometimes I think we just have to get off our backside and go along and make a difference if we can. If we get bruised then we will survive. In some new situations where I have been particularly nervous, I have been comforted by the thought “the worst that can happen is nothing”.
Deep down everyone wants to be loved and valued so if you go along to your difficult contact or meetings that may help.
The major part of my diary today is about a visit to Frome.