Is a good social life a matter of discipline?

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Saturday 3 September 1664

I have had a bad night’s rest to-night, not sleeping well, as my wife observed, and once or twice she did wake me, and I thought myself to be mightily bit with fleas, and in the morning she chid her mayds for not looking the fleas a-days. But, when I rose, I found that it is only the change of the weather from hot to cold, which, as I was two winters ago, do stop my pores, and so my blood tingles and itches all day all over my body, and so continued to-day all the day long just as I was then, and if it continues to be so cold I fear I must come to the same pass, but sweating cured me then, and I hope, and am told, will this also.

From today’s entertaining diary of Samuel Pepys. Worth reading it all.

Everyone is entitled to a social life. We are all group animals and many ills are caused by loneliness.

Relying on how you feel on the particular evening about going out or staying in it is not as reliable as it may seem. In the country area we reside in, individual organisations don’t have the opportunity to advertise their social evenings in a fulsome manner . Many secretaries and chairman of groups still do not like the Internet never mind the idea of making the mailing list such as male chimp.

This is why it is a good idea to keep your eye out for notices on notice boards, and mentions in the local paper. Even then, it is not a foolproof method of finding out where you could be most gainfully occupied in the evening particularly in the winter.

My wife and I have had to develop the skill and the discipline of making a note of things and going along to them sometimes whether we feel like it or not. We should bear it in mind that the organiser has often gone to considerable expenditure in time and sometimes money to create a worthwhile evening and it is very important that these people should be supported.

This is particularly relevant in the case of when an organisation has hired a speaker whose expenses need to be met and your three or four pounds entry really does help to avoid depleting the coffers of a small voluntary venture.

We have a rule that the further we have to go the something say for longer than a 20 or 30 min away the more care we take to make sure that it is worth the trip.

I’m talking of couples, I should now talk of single people.

The single person, particularly one who is new to the area may wonder if the atmosphere type of people will be right for them, or if they will even recognise someone there. My message is, it does not matter. The average person does not look to see if you are with someone or on your own. The only thing that matters is the subject in hand for example gardening or travel. You are the same as anybody else when it comes to the desire to open a conversation, or ask a question of the speakers, or helping someone hold their coffee cup whilst they fiddle around with something.

The best way of starting a conversation is to ask a question of someone for example does your garden have acid soil or alkaline soil, or what did the speaker mean by…. so and so….

Being accepted really is all in the mind and if you go along with an open mind and chat to whoever turns up in front of you there will always be one or two conversations of interest which may lead to a more satisfying acquaintance.

Try not to send out worry waves otherwise people will pick them up.

 

 

 

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