The eight types of love, revisited.

by | Apr 1, 2024 | psychology | 0 comments

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On the 5th of March 2018, six years ago, I wrote an article about various types of love. You can find it here https://www.briansnellgrove.net/2018/03/05/love-comes-in-many-shapes-and-sizes/

6 years have passed and I think it is time for me to revisit the topic and append my views. This was stimulated by my coming across an article entitled ‘8 Greek words that will make your heart soar’. What makes my heart soar (not sore) these new understandings, meeting people, sharing something, but I think the whole topic deserves closer examination.

Love was a concept pondered over by some of History’s most famous philosophies such as Plato and Aristotle. I wonder if we can get a rational explanation for this or is it just self-preservation under another name.

eros

Original Greek: ἔρως (érōs)

This is about physical love or sexual desire and is about The Sensual love between people who are sexually attracted to each other. Cupid was for being responsible for shooting magic arrows at people to make them fall in love. We refer today our sexual desire as libido

My view – I do wonder how much actual love there is in sexual desire because much sexual desire is based on seeing people as objects. In its purest form euros is a very beautiful thing where a coming together of people’s bodies and the resulting exchange of energy this will enhance both participants. Since procreation is a fundamental desire I suppose the media will focus on this element because it is the most easy to relate to.

philia

Original Greek: ϕιλία (philía)

I guess the word affiliation would come from this. Plato thought that filia was an even greater love than Eros. It is a sort of love that involves friendship, we could say platonic love. From this comes the word philosophy which would indicate an ffinity for something or being on the same wavelength

My view – what are pity it is that people say ‘ shall we just be friends’ as if it were rather a poor pullback attitude from something else. Perhaps it is when a physical relationship was seen as inappropriate. Most of my friends are those on my wavelength which basically means not falling for the main stream media narrative and individuating ourselves my standing apart from the crowds of sad to say mostly unthinking people.

I do not think that everyone is equal in their ability to understand abstract ideas. I think we are all comfortable at a certain level though when you have to get together with people you do find something in common in which case I would describe such people as traveling companions. True friends stand the test of time so you can go with out meeting someone for say 10 years and then when you meet them it’s like your last conversation was five minutes ago

agape

Original Greek: ἀγάπη (agápē)

This is defined as Unconditional Love which may involve sacrifice. I will do anything for my partner for example and I do not expect anything in return. The love is selfless and can be felt for strangers and humanity as a whole. The famous good Samaritan in the Bible did not know who the person was but looked after him never the less and paid for his keep

My view: I don’t think Unconditional Love is an emotion so much as an attitude that at some level we are all one and only our bodies occupy difference space. Unconditional love gives enormous freedom to approach complete strangers and engage them in a dialogue even though it may be something as simple as telling them that the clothes they are wearing are really suitable for them.

I did this recently in a cafe in Lowestoft Suffolk. A young lady had a green top which suited her perfectly and I told her so. Her face lit up and she smiled from ear to ear and if I cheered her up a bit then it was worth it but I do not require thanks. They say that virtue is its own reward and anything back results in a change of the other person’s energy field will bounce back on you for good or for bad

storge

Original Greek: στοργή (storgé)

This is the natural love that should exist between family members and is about the love that parents feel towards their children and vice versa and this also covers love between that siblings or even more distant relationships such as a grandparent or a grandchild.

My view: I enjoyed very little of this family feeling as my mother and father were not good at expressing themselves emotionally and this has rubbed off on my siblings and I don’t think I really got the idea of storge until the late age of 50 but better late than never and I enjoy family feelings in so far as I have the opportunity. I admit to being a little bit envious of close families and it would have been nice to have a brother of my age or there abouts

mania

Original Greek: μανία (manía)

This can hardly be classified as love, more as an obsession. It is the feelings that are stalker feels towards their victim. It can involve jealousy and an intensity of feelings resulting in mental illness or even madness

My view: I don’t know much about this topic. I have been obsessive about one or two people mostly young ladies when I was over another era and the feelings were quite hellish and devoid of any piece of mind so I stopped it through sheer frustration and the sense that it was not leading anywhere

ludus

from the Latin

This is playful love because ludus means game or play and can be applied to courtship. It is non-committal love and cover things like flirting, seduction and even casual sex. The Latin lūdus is related to the playful words ludic and ludicrous.
My view: I certainly could do more of this but when I met my best the playtime comes quite naturally. I tease people, I even tease myself.

I do this with complete strangers, a bit like described above, and hopefully they will see themselves in a different light. Yes there is an element of randomness in it and sometimes there will be no response but if the worst that can happen is nothing then what is the problem.

pragma

Original Greek: πράγμα (prágma)

This is showing your love for people in practical ways based on duty, obligation or logic.
My view; I would show my love and respect for the place I occupied by doing the washing up and maintaining the house in some sort of order, and responding to the needs of a partner or visitor. This is the nuts and bolts of a relationship and the word pragmatic is all about a practical approach to life.

philautia

Original Greek: ϕιλαυτία (philautía)

This refers to how a person views themselves and how they feel about their own body and has a lot to do with self-esteem. A warped version of this can be hubris. This does have a bad side in narcissism when people want to think they are better than everybody else which is not healthy

My view: this is where I have a lot of work to do and one of the reasons I’m writing this update. I’m not a narcissistic person but my feelings about my own body and my deportment could I think be improved. Taking a pride in ones appearance is never a bad thing if not taken to excess.

However, with the female of the species, when your image depends on your body shape and your face I would have thought that’s a rather insecure situation to be in. I remember when I was last in hospital about eight years ago, the nurses were not allowed to wear makeup and you could see their actual faces without the mask and this I appreciated.

OVERALL VIEW

Overall view: I could say that love has a high or should have a high element of self-respect in it. Those that have a spiritual view of life and I include myself in this know that they are made in the image of God and we can either enhance this god light within us by bringing people together or we can diminish said light by doing things to bring people apart that includes the seven deadly sins.

They are what it says on the tin in that it kills you hence the term deadly. To know what love really is, it would be a horrible thing to go where there is no love as in a poisonous office situation or even in a prison for in a drunken crowd of people. Sometimes we have to see the opposite in order to understand what the real thing is.

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