A 258-Mile Journey – Old Friends, Spiritual Connections and a Few Thoughts About Life

Giving the Volvo a Proper Outing

Today I gave my trusty old Volvo 2.5 a proper workout, driving across the country via Cirencester and eventually returning home via the M5, making a journey of 258 miles. The Volvo is at its best on long journeys. Once it gets going, it seems perfectly happy to continue for hours, and I have to say I rather enjoy the experience of driving a car that has been around for a good many years and still knows how to do its job. Mine is a 2003 model.

The quickest way would have been along the M4 and up towards Oxford, but I have never been particularly fond of motorways. I much prefer travelling through the countryside, where you can actually see something of the places you are passing through. On the return journey I did use the M5 and came through Bristol, which was not exactly a brilliant idea on a Saturday afternoon when the Christmas markets had opened. Still, I got home in one piece, as did the Volvo, so no complaints.

The main purpose of the journey was to visit my son, who is currently trying to find a suitable job. He has spent many years teaching English overseas and is, by all accounts, a very good teacher. He is patient with people, which is more than can be said for some of us, and I am confident that eventually he will find something appropriate.

The complication is that he wants to bring his wife over from India. As we understand the rules, he needs to earn approximately £29,000 a year, demonstrate six months of employment and show that he has somewhere suitable for them both to live. Then there are the visa fees, which can run into thousands of pounds. It is not exactly a straightforward process. In exact money a spouse visa costs £5,129 which includes the visa application fee of £2,064 and an NHS immigration Health charge (2 years and 9 months). 

In a rather flippant moment, I suggested that perhaps she should come over in one of the small boats and be put up in a hotel, fed and given a mobile phone. I was not making a serious proposal, of course, but expressing my frustration at what I see as the inconsistencies of the system. Meanwhile, he continues to look for work, and I hope his patience will eventually be rewarded.

Going Back Nearly Fifty Years

He is staying with members of a spiritual group that I have known for the best part of fifty years. That is quite a thought in itself. During that time we have been through all sorts of experiences, some wonderful and some decidedly less so. There have been disagreements, departures, changes of direction and no doubt a few occasions when the whole thing might have fallen apart. Yet somehow, by what I can only describe as a series of small miracles, the group has survived.

I had not visited the main residence for about five years. At a certain stage I felt I needed to become independent and find my own way rather than continue to be closely involved. I don’t regret that decision, because I think we all have to discover our own path, but it was nevertheless interesting to return after such a long absence.

As soon as I walked through the door, I noticed the atmosphere. I am sensitive to such things, and I would describe the vibrations as neutral but welcoming. There had been a recent departure from the group, and it seemed to me that the remaining members had risen to the challenge of maintaining their spiritual discipline and keeping the whole thing together. I was quite impressed, and the feeling came to me immediately rather than after any particular conversation.

I notice with the friends I have that are what I call soulmates; the passing of time makes no difference, so I can turn up 10 years later and just carry on the conversation where I left off before. There is a sense of being deeply joined, and this is beyond words

The house is situated on a large country estate, surrounded by fields with the occasional sheep dotted around. There is something about such an environment that encourages people to settle down and talk properly. I need quietness when I am sharing things that matter to me, but I don’t mean the quietness of a graveyard. I mean the sort of quietness that comes when people are comfortable with themselves and one another and don’t need constant noise to fill the gaps.

One of the advantages of meeting people you have known for decades is that they already know a great deal about you. You don’t have to explain your entire history or pretend to be something you are not. They know your peculiarities, and you know theirs. There is a secure basis for conversation, and because we have shared so much on a spiritual level, I found that the old affinity was still very much there.

Naturally, there was a great deal of catching up to do. Who was doing what? Who was well? Who had undergone an operation? Who was thinking about having one? And all the other things that become increasingly relevant as the years go by.

My former wife, from whom I divorced about thirty years ago, was also present. I was pleased that the three of us were able to sit together and get on perfectly well. There was a sense of mutual respect, and I think that is how it should be. After all, what is the point of carrying old grievances around indefinitely? They become rather heavy baggage.

We also spent quite a lot of time teasing one another around the dinner table. I find that if you have known someone for a long time, you can make jokes at their expense without worrying that they will misunderstand you. Of course, they can do exactly the same to you and usually do. There was plenty of laughter, which I took as a good sign.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t do justice to the food because I have a sore place on my lower right gum. I cannot put any pressure on it without discomfort, which makes eating rather difficult. I have booked to see the dentist on Monday. Having recently acquired dentures, I am discovering that there is a difference between possessing teeth and being able to use them!

A walk with my son

My son and I walking in the setting sun

My son and I went for a walk, which gave us an opportunity to talk about his future without interruption. He has been doing some temporary supply teaching, and we discussed what he had discovered about the realities of working in British classrooms.

He is perfectly capable of teaching, but there is a limit to anyone’s ability to cope with a class containing too many disruptive pupils. I think he has realised that he needs to be selective about the sort of position he accepts. There is no point in finding a job that pays the required salary if it leaves him completely exhausted.

We talked through the various possibilities, and I was glad to have the opportunity to listen. I don’t think parents ever entirely stop worrying about their children, even when those children are approaching fifty. One can offer suggestions, but in the end they have to make their own decisions.

More Old Friends and Some Controversial Subjects

I then drove to see two other friends who belong to the same spiritual circle. This involved another fairly long journey, but the afternoon was beautiful. The autumn leaves were displaying an extraordinary variety of browns, golds and other shades, and I found the whole experience rather uplifting. November can be a surprisingly attractive month when the weather behaves itself.

One of my friends is an academic specialising in biological matters, so naturally we got onto some fairly controversial subjects. We discussed concerns about possible adverse effects of Covid vaccines, the way people who put forward unpopular scientific hypotheses can be treated, and the extent to which propaganda influences public opinion.

I find it extraordinary how difficult it has become to discuss certain subjects without somebody immediately putting you into a category. Surely the whole point of having a brain is to use it? If an idea is wrong, then let us examine the evidence and demonstrate why it is wrong. Simply attacking the person who raises the question does not advance our understanding.

We also discussed fear, which I increasingly regard as one of the most powerful influences on human behaviour. I sometimes wonder whether it is possible to watch a news bulletin without being presented with something else to worry about. If it isn’t a war, it is a disease. If it isn’t a disease, it is an economic crisis or some technological disaster waiting to happen.

I mentioned the extraordinary disruption caused by major computer-system failures affecting airlines and other services around the world. It reminded me how dependent we have become on systems that very few of us understand. When something goes wrong, enormous numbers of people can suddenly find themselves unable to do the simplest things.

We talked about what I call fear porn, the constant presentation of alarming possibilities. I feel that fear can be used to manipulate people, particularly when they are not given sufficient information to form their own judgement. I am not suggesting that every frightening story is deliberately manufactured, but I do think we should be much more aware of the effect such stories have upon us.

There is an old saying that if you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you. I think there is a lot of truth in that. If we spend our lives concentrating on everything that is wrong with the world, we risk becoming overwhelmed by it.

My own answer is to concentrate increasingly on positive and constructive things. I have my diary, my books, my relationships and now the Somer Valley Diary project. These are things I can actually do something about. I cannot personally solve all the problems of the world, and I would be rather foolish to imagine otherwise.

I think the mind needs a certain balance, or homeostasis if you like, and that we have some responsibility for deciding what we allow into it. There is enough negativity around without voluntarily inviting more of it into our lives.

I also had a conversation with the wife of my friend, who has been looking after her father through a period of declining health. She described the various illnesses he had experienced and the legal and practical difficulties that had arisen as a result.

I asked her what effect all this had had upon her personally. She said that she felt her personality remained strong, but the responsibility was always at the back of her mind. Even when she was doing something completely different, there was this continuing awareness of the situation and the possibility of another problem arising.

I thought that was a very revealing observation. Caring for someone is not simply a matter of performing certain tasks. It can occupy part of your consciousness twenty-four hours a day, and I suspect that is what makes it so exhausting.

We talked about the deeper causes of illness and whether understanding them might help us make more sense of what people go through. I believe that human beings are far more than their physical bodies, and that the soul is infinite. Whatever happens to the body, I do not believe the soul can be destroyed.

This is one reason why I find the Bible so valuable. I regard it as something of an instruction manual for human beings, not only in spiritual matters but also in how we should behave towards one another. There is a great deal of practical wisdom there if we are prepared to look for it.

Why My Next Book Will Be Different

We also discussed my previous two books and why they did not receive quite the response I had hoped for. I don’t want to blame anyone, because the experience of producing them was immensely valuable and I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.

However, I have come to the conclusion that I probably didn’t spend enough time becoming known and trusted by the people in the towns concerned. It is one thing to arrive somewhere with a good idea, but quite another to persuade people that you understand their community and have their interests at heart.

This time the situation is different because I am writing about my own area. I have lived in the Somer Valley for many years, so I am not arriving as a complete outsider. People cannot so easily ask why somebody from somewhere else is coming along to tell them what they ought to be doing.

I am also determined to take things more slowly. In the past I have sometimes been inclined to rush ahead because I could see the possibilities so clearly. Unfortunately, other people do not necessarily see them at the same speed, and there is no point in trying to drag them along.

This time I intend to listen to my intuition and do what feels right at the appropriate moment. If something is not ready, then perhaps it is better to wait. I am beginning to realise that timing is almost as important as the idea itself.

One thing I have been thinking about is how to make the entries in Come and Join Us! more attractive to people who are nervous about joining an organisation.

The usual description goes something like this: “We meet every Tuesday, we do this and that, and new members are always welcome.” Well, that’s all very nice, but it doesn’t necessarily make somebody want to get out of their chair and go along.

What I would much rather do is include a couple of short quotations from people who have actually attended. They might say that they were nervous at first but were made to feel welcome, or that they have made new friends, learned something useful or simply found a reason to get out of the house.

That, to me, is far more convincing than an organisation telling everyone how wonderful it is.

The real difficulty for many people is crossing the threshold. They may stand outside a room thinking that everybody knows everybody else and that they will be the odd one out. If we can help them take that first step, we may have achieved something quite important.

Could One Per Cent Make the Difference?

I have also been thinking about how many people would need to become involved for Somer Valley Diary to make a difference.

The population of the three towns and surrounding communities is approximately 45,000. One per cent of that is 450 people.

Now, 450 people may not sound like an enormous number, but imagine 450 individuals taking an active interest in what is happening locally, attending meetings, making suggestions, recommending organisations and encouraging others to join in.

I think that could be enough to light the fire.

Once people begin connecting with one another, all sorts of things can happen that nobody could have planned in advance. Someone meets somebody at a coffee morning, hears about another activity, tells a neighbour, and before long a small network begins to develop.

That is really what I am trying to encourage. I am not particularly interested in creating a grand organisation with endless rules and committees. I want to make it easier for people to find one another and do things together.

If the website and book can help 450 people become more involved in their community, I shall regard that as a very worthwhile beginning.

Home Again, with Plenty to Think About

By the time I arrived home, I had covered 258 miles, renewed some very old friendships, spent valuable time with my son and had enough conversations to keep my mind occupied for several days.

What struck me most was how easily one can reconnect with people after a long absence when there is a genuine affinity between you. Three years is quite a long time not to visit somewhere, but in some respects it felt as though I had only been away for a few weeks.

I also came away feeling that my decision to concentrate on local community life is the right one. There is so much talk about what is wrong with society, but perhaps the most useful thing any of us can do is to improve the little part of it that lies immediately around us.

I cannot change the whole world, but I can write, listen, introduce people to one another and perhaps encourage somebody who is sitting alone at home to venture out and meet others.

That seems to me a perfectly reasonable way of spending my time.

I arrived home just the sun was setting.

And if the Volvo is willing to carry me another 258 miles when required, so much the better.