My favourite jokes

by | Aug 13, 2024 | Latest Post | 0 comments

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 People used to laugh at me when I used to say ” I want to be a comedian”, I am successful and nobody’s laughing now
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure
 Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong
 God gave us  the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems
Whatever you do always give 100% unless you are donating blood
 The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was
If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one or five people enjoys it
 Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home even if you wish they were
One day you’re the best thing since slice bread. The next, your toast
 I saw an advertisement for burial plots and I thought to myself ” this is the last thing I need”
Escalators don’t break down…. They just turn into stairs
 Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others
The reward for a job well done is more work
 The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself ” this changes everything”
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts
 A chicken and an egg walk into a bar . The barman says,” whose first?”
You sound reasonable. It must be time to increase my medication
 My psychiatrist said I was preoccupied with vengeance. I told him ” we will see about that”
Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better
 A garage sale is actually garbage sale but the B is silent
Anyway I could go on for ever but I’m trying to make the point that we can maybe cheer ourselves up with jokes when there is precious little else to cheer us up in this dreadful age.
Brian
OH and one more thing to cheer you up. How about this young violinist prodigy.

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