Who does not have a party or social event or gathering of some sort so I hope that following thoughts,  hints and tips will help you to have a more successful time.

The great benefit you have is that the Brits (I am talking about the United Kingdom) have this great talent for making the best of things so if you make a huge boo-boo and things don’t go to plan, people will  adapt and  manage to enjoy themselves.

As some of you may know I’m having my 81st birthday party on Sunday the 8th of June so my plans are pretty much completed. As with travel I complete the detail well before the departure date. I never leave things until the last moment. That guarantees a frazzled brain. 

General suggestions about preparing for any event

The first question is – what are you celebrating?

If it’s a formal event such as a funeral then the wake, the social event after the ceremony is, it’s pretty much dictated by protocol. All the people who have been to the church or crematorium go on to an agreed meeting place and continue the conversations they’ve had, plus reminiscences of the departed and so on.

Birthday parties are different. They can take many forms; an informal small event attended by a few friends or a birthday bash where you have many people. Last year I had my 80th birthday (normally it comes a year before my 81st) which is always a bit special and we had about 18 people attend.

Guest List

I make a rule that I will only invite people that I get on with not people that I ‘should’ invite for protocol. I find that if people are not on the same wavelength they will not fit in and so the decision to invite them would be a mistake.

This coming Sunday week we have 12 people all of whom I value in different ways.

Soap box mode: I believe that the average English person has no idea about how to organize a social event. It’s not just a question of inviting people to turn up at a given venue at a certain time but to help the event kick start with a bang.

I think it is a complete mistake to have people just turn up and greet them and let them mingle and find their own away around because that is too much for some people especially those of an introvert nature.

I start my events with everyone sitting around in a circle introducing themselves so everyone is on the same footing even if they didn’t know a single soul when they arrived. I think anything else is rather cruel and insensitive. 

What does ‘introduction’ mean

It may interest you to know the etymology of the word ‘introduction’. The word originates from the Latin verb introducere which means to lead in or bring into. This is broken down into intro meaning into or within and  the Latin transitive verb decere meaning to lead or to bring.

An introduction is an act or process that presenting or bringing someone or something into a new context or situation. Greek and Roman orators used introductions in their speeches to establish their credibility, gain the audience’s attention, and provide context for their arguments.

I know you were all dying to hear that but basically it’s about setting a context and not being superficial and certainly no window dressing.

An introduction can be by inference so for example ‘I did a six month tour of South America on my own’ . This establishes the speaker as a person of independence and personal resource. That would be a very good way of introducing yourself .

After this I will then declare the party open and leave food and drink for everyone to help themselves as they see fit. It’s a great start when everyone knows who everyone else is, a level playing field so to speak.

How much food do we lay on?

Food –  we are not feeding the starving. Its more like easy to eat nibbles. 

We need to consider not only the food we serve but the means of eating it which in most cases may mean sitting with a plate on your knee. Will plastic or wooden cutlery do or do you have enough supplies? Do I have enough glasses both for wine and for water

I make sure that there are plenty of little tables around so people can pop their drink or whatever they have without difficulty.  The quality including homemade items is more important than quantity. This year I’m trying a pot-luck situation where we provide the basics such as a very good salad, breads, some quiche and some cake and let people bring what they feel like.

It is important to say what you expect of the guests to bring. I do not expect birthday presents but I would like people to bring some food for the pot luck lunch, either that or a bottle of some type, fizzy or otherwise. .

At my 80th Party a guest had popped into the supermarket on the way and bought a quiche which was wrapped in a plastic container and very unlovely it looked. It really did stand out for the wrong reasons among the home make contributions. 

Cakes – birthday cakes seem to be selling for between £30 and £40  but today I went along to our local store, Farrington’s Farm Shop and Cafe,  and there were perfectly good cakes for £12.50 made by a supplier in nearby Wells.

There are probably better value than say Tesco’s who do produce cakes but they probably don’t use the quality of ingredient that you can expect from a local producer.

So I assume the extra cost is having someone do the necessary markings ‘Happy Birthday Dear Fred’ or some such.

Come rain or shine

Will it rain or shine? If it rains then people will have to squeeze indoors which never did anyone any harm and that gives everyone a chance to complain about the weather.

If people can go in the garden that’s makes it even better experience and during the evening we plan to have a log fire.

By my nature I tend to overthink and worry about things but at the end of the day there’s only so much you can do. Yesterday morning the 29th of May I sent out a detailed guest list to everyone by email so people knew who was coming and there were a couple of lines of introduction for each person.

The day of the event itself.

You should finish preparation well before the first guests are due to arrive and not be flustered and rushing around otherwise people will pick that up.

For people who have not been to my place before I think it is very important to have a sign on the outside because there’s always this thought ‘ have I come to the right place’ even with postcodes it is a lingering doubt in guest’s minds so to counteract that I hang balloons on the trees in the front garden.

We feel most vulnerable during the first moments of arrival at an unfamiliar place. Its a natural thing.